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Accepting No As An Answer

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Accepting no as an answer….without a fight?

Wow, have I had a hard time learning and accepting this. Like many of us, I could never truly accept a no from somebody. Similar to the stages of grief, I went through my very own personal stages of unwillingness, whenever I was confronted with a “no.” No just wasn’t something to accept.

To me, a no was always negotiable. If I just tried hard enough, I would be able to turn it into something else. Something more along the lines of what I wanted.

If I couldn’t do something, I’d complain.  The other person didn’t want to go to that restaurant or watch that movie with me? I’d start nagging. The other person didn’t see something the way I did? I’d start discussing and justifying. Whenever I heard a no to something that I felt emotionally invested in, I’d get angry and frustrated…

Of course this was not always the case, but it did happen more often thatn I would like to admit.

Until, of course, I changed my reactions to receiving a no.

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I Will No Longer Apologise For Being A Woman Who Has Her Period (Men Invited To Read)

Beauty Of Our Bodies

Whenever I read about something related to the female cycle, one of the first things I see is an apology: “Sorry guys,” “apologies to the men,” “sorry this is a little disgusting, but-,” “I feel awkward bringing this topic up, but” – and I am SICK OF IT.

I had my first period when I was eleven and I spent the last 13 years tabooing it. The amount of effort I used to invest in keeping my period a secret is ridiculous. It was something not spoken of before men and if it had to be mentioned, it was a “girl’s topic.”

The majority of us women experience our period EVERY MONTH and still many of us feel like we need to keep it a state secret. Nobody is to know that this is something that draws from our energy and that we DO feel it can have an effect on how we feel. That sometimes we wish we had some support or peace, when cramps and/or headaches are crippling us, rather than having to deal with it in secrecy.

We feel it is a sign of our weakness as women.

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Basic Self-Care: Secure Your Own Needs First

selfcare

 

As I am writing this, I am neglecting my own advice. *which is why I would love for you to learn from my self-neglect

This post is about listening to your needs and reacting to them as a priority, and here I am writing while my body is shivering.

Give me a moment as I get myself a jumper, a hot water bottle and a cup of tea.

Ok.

Do you ever feel like you are putting yourself on hold for something or someone else? That you are completely neglecting your needs and what your body is telling you?

I often come home and go straight to my computer to “quickly check something”‘, and end up sitting there for ages with my dress half off, my tights hanging down one leg, and the strap of my bag still draped around my shoulders.

You might also find me chatting with someone online, and instead of excusing myself for a minute, I will hobble on my chair holding back my need to go to the toilet until I can’t hold it any longer [after which you will see me do the “camel walk” to the bathroom because there is no other way to make it without leakage…].

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A Four-Step Process To Help You Face Your Fears & Leave The Comfort Zone

a four step process to help you face your fears and leave the comfort zone catdepillar cat de pillar blog post alternative model redhead

 

Facing your fears and leaving the comfort zone is hard. Sometimes, pursuing or having what you actually want in life can feel downright brain-freezing, blood-chilling, and body-shaking scary.

Even though you know you want to be the next crazy cat-lady and have more cats than any crazy cat-lady has ever hoarded before, you are afraid of expanding out of the comfort zone and making your dream a reality. The resistance you feel is so uncomfortable and overwhelming that you spend most of your time avoiding your dream. *keeping only one cat, e.g

The fear of what might lie beyond our worn out, cosy and safe comfort zone, is often what stops us in our tracks towards a better life. *and makes us refresh our Facebook, or Instagram feed

Ironically, while we are too scared to do what we want, we are also unhappy in our comfort zone. Needless to say, if we are trapped in this numbing place of non-action for too long, everything just boils down to a  huge pool of “meh.”

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Six Ways To Love Yourself This Week: Jars Of Happiness And Videogame Nostalgia

Six ways I found to love myself more this week blog post self love quotes catdepillar cat de pillar

Sometimes the concept of self-love is so abstract that other than drawing a hot bath [and throwing in some essential oils], we don’t really know what it means in our every day life. Because I absolutely know how that feels – and it can be overwhelming to come up with new approaches all by yourself – I have collected six things I did to love myself a little more this week, in the hopes that you find some inspiration!

1) I Focused On Wanting To Feel Good

The last couple of weeks have offered me a lot of situations and events for personal growth. For one, I broke my newly purchased car – twice – resulting in me having to buy another new one. Additionally, some doors closed that I had counted on being open. Basically, I felt like I had a major ‘right’ to throw a pity party and go into siren-wail mode.

But I didn’t.  Admittedly, I did shed some tears – feeling my emotions was important – but I snapped out of the negativity spiral very quickly.

Every time I felt a negative emotion, I tried to flip it around.

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You Decide How You Want To Feel

“Most people want to make you responsible for the way they feel.” – Rachel Wolchin

You Get To Decide How You Want To Feel_How To Deal With Judgemental People With Your Self-Esteem Intact_blog post

I have always loved wearing things that made me look “over the top,” or “overdressed.” I would wear ruffled white vampire shirts with red satin corsets to school, or I would show up in full evening wear for a casual birthday party [as you do].

While I would like to boast that my style has become more refined, I am still often considered over the top. I am known for click-clacking my way through life in high heels and lipstick, and I always overdo it when I am invited to parties and events.

But that’s me, it happens naturally. I never felt insecure about it; it was just the way I loved expressing myself, and it  is a natural extension of who I was/am inside.

That is, until people made me question myself.

One time, after singing a melancholic aria in preparation of my music degree – clad in flowing layers of black fabric – my music teacher told me to look less “Gothic” the next time I performed.

I was gutted. Before he made his nasty remark, I had been extremely proud of my performance and my outfit. I had felt completely connected to my song in that outfit and had strutted about in it, feeling like a queen.

After he gave me his speech, everything about the outfit and evening was ruined for me. It completely destroyed the fantastic memory I had of myself and the performance.

It made me question everything.  

He was not the first to make me feel that way though, and he also wasn’t the last.

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