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The One Thing Everyone Can Afford (Even If You Don’t Have Enough Money To Buy Christmas Presents)

Everyone can afford christmas. It is more important why and how you do something, than what you do. Pink flower and pink heart. Cat De Pillar Artist Writer Speaker Self-love

In the spirit of the season that is upon us, I will come clean to you about one of my more unfavourable characteristics:

I am the absolute WORST secret Santa you could ever imagine.

Why? Because I never give anyone presents for Christmas!

I am the type of Santa that inspires nightmares.

You know the dream where you excitedly run into the living room – washed, primped and ready to brutally rip packaging apart – when you suddenly realise: there are no presents awaiting their pleasurable death by your hands underneath the Christmas tree. *at which point you wake up screaming

Thinking about it, I am probably a secret Krampus.

Just acknowledging this makes me feel like my cat does, when, instead of serving her the best, moist chicken-bits the budget store has to offer, I throw another heap of dusty, dry-food into her food bowl.

It makes me feel like an egoistic and uncaring bitch.

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Are You Teaching Others To Believe That You’re ‘OK’ – Even Though You’re Not?

      “If you keep saying and pretending you are fine, others will believe you and expect that you behave that way.”

Teaching-others-that-they-dont-need-to-take-care

Untitled-1hen I trip or fall (and this happens a lot) , I jump up so fast that nobody can offer me their hand. Before you even have the chance to realise that I just crashed myself into the pavement, I will dust myself off, smile, and tell you that I’m OK.

When I was taken to hospital after a very dramatic fall, I spent the entire drive talking. It was my desperate attempt to deflect from the uncomfortable situation. I couldn’t stand the silence, concern and attention. I couldn’t stand being vulnerable.

When a drunk driver swerved onto my side of the road and hit my car on the motorway, I wrote about it on Facebook shortly after it had happened.

 I ended my paragraph on a light and humorous tone with the words “I’m OK.”

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The Coward’s Choice & Meeting People You Have Faded Out Of Your Life

“It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.”
Mandy Hale

The Coward's Choice

I

will admit, I have made the coward’s choice many times in my life. I have knowingly lost/ended/faded out contact with a person/people for some reason (without actually talking to them about it), and we were left with a horrible sense of awkwardness, estrangement and resentment towards each other.

Over time, all these built up emotions fester, and when you actually meet again you don’t know what to do.

Generally, you try to avoid them as best you can and when you do accidentally meet, you pretend like you didn’t see the other person, or you ignore them in the most obvious way possible. (I once pretended to not see someone by staring really hard at a shelf in the supermarket, or suddenly no longer turning my head to the right side of the room. Can you imagine the embarrassment?)

That is what the coward’s choice is about: Deciding to give in to the fear of confrontation, rather than facing that truly awkward situation with authenticity and vulnerability – and making everything even more uncomfortable by behaving like a complete idiot! (Or is that just me?)

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No More Capes! Giving Up The Impulse To Try & Save Everybody

Henry_Cape

There is a beautiful and powerful scene in the movie The Incredibles, in which the superhero costume designer, Edna, refuses to create an outfit that includes a cape. In her examples, she mentions how superheroes got snagged on missiles, caught in jet turbines and express elevators, all because they were wearing capes.

You can understand why she is wholeheartedly against capes (also – they are so 15 years ago) and I want to tell you why I am too.

We might believe that there is no chance that we will get caught on a missile, or be sucked into the engines of a plane, and yes, we might be right. However, there are a lot of other things our capes can get us hung up on.

We constantly transform into superheroes in our daily lives; trying to help and fix other people. We invest everything we have; working ourselves to the bone – physically and emotionally – until there is nothing left of us.

Whenever somebody needs us, and even if we just have the feeling that somebody needs our help/advice/support, we grab our capes and hurry to the rescue.

And in the attempt to help, we start strangling ourselves.

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Accepting No As An Answer

NoSmall

Accepting no as an answer….without a fight?

Wow, have I had a hard time learning and accepting this. Like many of us, I could never truly accept a no from somebody. Similar to the stages of grief, I went through my very own personal stages of unwillingness, whenever I was confronted with a “no.” No just wasn’t something to accept.

To me, a no was always negotiable. If I just tried hard enough, I would be able to turn it into something else. Something more along the lines of what I wanted.

If I couldn’t do something, I’d complain.  The other person didn’t want to go to that restaurant or watch that movie with me? I’d start nagging. The other person didn’t see something the way I did? I’d start discussing and justifying. Whenever I heard a no to something that I felt emotionally invested in, I’d get angry and frustrated…

Of course this was not always the case, but it did happen more often thatn I would like to admit.

Until, of course, I changed my reactions to receiving a no.

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You Decide How You Want To Feel

“Most people want to make you responsible for the way they feel.” – Rachel Wolchin

You Get To Decide How You Want To Feel_How To Deal With Judgemental People With Your Self-Esteem Intact_blog post

I have always loved wearing things that made me look “over the top,” or “overdressed.” I would wear ruffled white vampire shirts with red satin corsets to school, or I would show up in full evening wear for a casual birthday party [as you do].

While I would like to boast that my style has become more refined, I am still often considered over the top. I am known for click-clacking my way through life in high heels and lipstick, and I always overdo it when I am invited to parties and events.

But that’s me, it happens naturally. I never felt insecure about it; it was just the way I loved expressing myself, and it  is a natural extension of who I was/am inside.

That is, until people made me question myself.

One time, after singing a melancholic aria in preparation of my music degree – clad in flowing layers of black fabric – my music teacher told me to look less “Gothic” the next time I performed.

I was gutted. Before he made his nasty remark, I had been extremely proud of my performance and my outfit. I had felt completely connected to my song in that outfit and had strutted about in it, feeling like a queen.

After he gave me his speech, everything about the outfit and evening was ruined for me. It completely destroyed the fantastic memory I had of myself and the performance.

It made me question everything.  

He was not the first to make me feel that way though, and he also wasn’t the last.

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