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It Takes Courage To Dance In The Shards Of Who You Were

 “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” ― Ambrose Redmoon

Artwork by Cat De Pillar

Artwork by Cat De Pillar. Click To See Print.

This is to the woman who was once told to stop wearing her “ridiculous” hats.

To the woman who has been told that she needs to be less

loud. extravagant. different. unpolished. overpolished. individual. big.

passionate. confident. happy. opinionated. angry. emotional. of herself…

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Dear Diary, I Might Be Recovering From Self-Inflicted Emotional Abuse

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” – C. JoyBell C.

ear DiDary, it has been four days since the last time I thought or said something negative about myself. Deciding that my life is too short and important to waste it with self-inflicted emotional abuse seems to be taking effect.

At first, the sneaky negative thought-ninjas tried to get to me, but they found no way through my new protective barriers. (Those protective barriers are made up of ignoring, not accepting, and using ‘get the fuck out of here, I don’t have time for this crap’ rude language.)

I have been watching them closely the last few days, and they have made camp just outside my conscious mind. I can feel how they are constantly trying to find new ways to weasel their way into my everyday thoughts. However, I think they are starting to lose interest, now that I no longer react to their provocations. Except for the occasional lousy attempt, they have stopped attacking me regularly. I can go for hours now, without hearing even one peep.

This ceasefire has brought me a lot of inner peace. At first I felt alarmed, when I woke up four days ago, and there was no nagging voice to greet me. There was no mention of the numerous failings that I had already accumulated before even stepping out of bed, and as I sat there, waiting for that voice to come, nothing happened.  My mind felt clear and open; like a brightly lit and cosy room, with the window slightly open to let the spring scented breeze waft in.

A little unsure (and suspicious) that first morning, I went about my day and decided to enjoy the feeling of contentment for as long as it would last. I admit that I felt very wary – and that I was awaiting an ambush at any moment. Nevertheless, nothing happened and as the days have gone by, I have had many neutral thoughts, and also a lot of happy and positive ones about myself.

Since that first morning of calm, something strange has happened: I used to wake up expecting to be attacked by negativity as soon as I opened my eyes. Before I even touched the ground, I had already not gotten up early enough, not planned my day well enough, or anything enough. Under constant attack, I would get up and go through the motions of a very uninspiring day – using all of my energy to survive the mental war.

Every thought brought on another wave of similar thoughts that would cost me even more energy and reduce every day and who I was to a state of NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!

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The Airplane Rule: Why Self-Love Has Nothing To Do With Being Selfish

“Much of your strength as a woman can come from the resolve to replenish and fill your own well and essence first, before taking care of others.” – Miranda J. Barrett


If you have flown on a commercial flight before, you will most probably find the following scenario familiar:

You have finally boarded the plane, stuffed your (unwieldy) bags into the storage area above your seat and, as the Crew steps into the corridor to announce the emergency instructions, you start reading one of the magazines lying about….

No! Of course we all listen intently as the emergency instructions are presented by the pulling at, and blowing into, of various objects. In this context, there is one particular instruction concerning oxygen masks that I would like to draw your attention to:

“The cabin pressure is controlled for your comfort. However, should it change radically in flight oxygen compartments will automatically open in the panel above your seat. Reach up and pull the mask to your face. […] If you are travelling with children, or are seated next to someone who needs assistance, place the mask on yourself first, then offer assistance. […]”1

I have spent many years listening to – but not hearing –  the underlying truth and scope of that one particular instruction:

Only once I have taken care of myself first, will I be able to tend to the needs of others.

If I suffocate to death while struggling to help someone else don their oxygen mask– nobody has been helped. Well, the other person has, but I still die; that is clearly not a win-win situation. Additionally, as I am ME, dying is like the worst thing that could happen, as a result of helping someone else.

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I Will No Longer Apologise For Being A Woman Who Has Her Period (Men Invited To Read)

Beauty Of Our Bodies

Whenever I read about something related to the female cycle, one of the first things I see is an apology: “Sorry guys,” “apologies to the men,” “sorry this is a little disgusting, but-,” “I feel awkward bringing this topic up, but” – and I am SICK OF IT.

I had my first period when I was eleven and I spent the last 13 years tabooing it. The amount of effort I used to invest in keeping my period a secret is ridiculous. It was something not spoken of before men and if it had to be mentioned, it was a “girl’s topic.”

The majority of us women experience our period EVERY MONTH and still many of us feel like we need to keep it a state secret. Nobody is to know that this is something that draws from our energy and that we DO feel it can have an effect on how we feel. That sometimes we wish we had some support or peace, when cramps and/or headaches are crippling us, rather than having to deal with it in secrecy.

We feel it is a sign of our weakness as women.

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A Four-Step Process To Help You Face Your Fears & Leave The Comfort Zone

a four step process to help you face your fears and leave the comfort zone catdepillar cat de pillar blog post alternative model redhead


Facing your fears and leaving the comfort zone is hard. Sometimes, pursuing or having what you actually want in life can feel downright brain-freezing, blood-chilling, and body-shaking scary.

Even though you know you want to be the next crazy cat-lady and have more cats than any crazy cat-lady has ever hoarded before, you are afraid of expanding out of the comfort zone and making your dream a reality. The resistance you feel is so uncomfortable and overwhelming that you spend most of your time avoiding your dream. *keeping only one cat, e.g

The fear of what might lie beyond our worn out, cosy and safe comfort zone, is often what stops us in our tracks towards a better life. *and makes us refresh our Facebook, or Instagram feed

Ironically, while we are too scared to do what we want, we are also unhappy in our comfort zone. Needless to say, if we are trapped in this numbing place of non-action for too long, everything just boils down to a  huge pool of “meh.”

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